I Will Wait
by blue252
Summary: She just couldn't stand anymore. Not alone. Not after tonight. AU oneshot set in between Montgomery's death and the funeral in Knockout.


**AN: Of course, I only get inspired to write when I have a multi-chapter fic I should be working on but I was driving to dinner tonight and heard this new Mumford and Sons song "I Will Wait" and could NOT get this little one shot plot out of my head. It's not necessary to listen to the song but it IS a great song and I did fashion it somewhat around the lyrics. It's slightly AU set the night of Montgomery's death and after Kate/Rick's big fight but before the funeral. So no spoilers past Season 3.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle or anything of these wonderful characters.**

* * *

"_And I came home  
Like a stone  
And I fell heavy into your arms"_

_-_Mumford and Sons _  
_

Twenty more feet. Twenty more feet and she'd be home. She'd be home and she could collapse on her couch or her bed. On the floor. Wherever. She didn't even care at this point. She just couldn't stand anymore. Not alone. Not after tonight.

She forced herself to put one foot in front of the other.

_Just keep moving, Kate._

_Just. Keep. Moving._

Every passing moment was a moment closer to breaking down. She could barely breathe through the pain burning in her lungs. She blinked back the tears threatening in her eyes. She was not going to lose it now. Not so close to her own doorway when she'd made it this far_._

But everything hurt. Layer upon layer of pain. It seemed endless. And she couldn't stop the last 24 hours from playing through her mind, relentlessly on repeat.

Their angry words, her stubborn indignation, betrayal, hopelessness, his arms around her carrying her away, the sound of the gunshots. She stifled a moan, burying her face into her hands. The images were burned into her brain. This was not how it was supposed to happen. She was supposed to fight, to take them down. She was supposed to catch these sons of bitches and bring them to justice. But she'd failed. She'd failed at the one thing she'd based everything on. And now…now she didn't even know what was left.

Her captain was dead. _Montgomery was dead._

And there again were Castle's words. Words of warning that she'd tossed aside just the day before.

"_Beckett, everyone associated with this case is dead. Everyone_."

She could see how his eyes pleaded with her. She could see the fear. And she'd acted like it was nothing. Acted like she didn't have a choice. Like he and his words meant nothing.

"_Walk away," _he'd said. As if it was that simple.

_Walk away. Walk away. Walk away._

The two words had haunted her ever since. Repeating, taunting his plea. She'd grappled with it all night as she tossed and turned.

"_You could be happy, Kate. You deserve to be happy but you're afraid." _

It stung. It stung so much she'd kicked him out.

Because it was true. Nowhere relationships with men she didn't love. That's all she was doing yet again. Tom, Josh…they didn't challenge her. How could they? They didn't even really know her.

They weren't the man who had chipped away at her defenses for so long that they cracked and split open. They weren't the man who had saved her life, carried her out of her burning apartment, made her laugh after a long day of dead ends and no leads, hopped on a plane across the country to help her take down her Royce's killer.

They weren't Castle.

That was the real truth wasn't it? The real reason she'd gotten so angry. She was a coward and she wanted him to say it. Expected him to say it. Those three words she was terrified of.

She couldn't handle him saying it. Because the moment he said it, it became real. Oh, she loved him. She'd known it a year ago when she'd ended things with Demming. But it was too dangerous. A distraction when she _had_ to solve this case. And she wasn't worthy of his love. Not when the case came first. Not when she couldn't be the kind of person he deserved.

But he just kept pushing. Kept chipping away at her wall. And instead of the truth, she'd ended everything. Like the coward he'd accused her of being.

_We are over._

She unlocked her door as the tears streamed down her face, no longer having the will to stop them. Everything was a disaster. Her captain was gone. Dead. And she was alone. Completely alone.

She just wanted…

Castle?

She sucked in a breath, startled to see him sitting on her couch. She scrambled to try and wipe the tears from her eyes. _Ha…as if she didn't look like complete hell._

"Oh, Kate," he said, voice cracking. His blue eyes shone in the dim light as if he'd been crying, as well.

"Kate?" he repeated, more of a question that a statement.

"Castle…please," she managed to choke out as she dropped her keys on the table.

He rose from the couch and walked toward her, confidently, until they were only a foot apart.

She couldn't take anymore. Everything from the last 24 hours was just too much. _ Everything was broken and there was no fixing it and he was_ _here and she couldn't handle any more fights._ A sob escaped her throat and that was all it took.

His arms immediately encircled her body, pulling her close, holding her tightly as if he never intended to let go again.

"I'm so sorry, Castle. I'm so sorry," she gasped. "Our fight and Montgomery and…"

"Shh, Kate, it's ok, it's ok," he said running his hands up and down her back, massaging the tension in her muscles.

He walked them back to her couch and settled them down so that he could continue to hold her. She didn't know how long they stayed in that position. His body was her anchor. His face buried into her hair as he continued to whisper comforts. She cried until she couldn't cry anymore and he never let go. Just let her break apart in his arms. His strength working to heal her in ways she didn't even know were possible.

She must have drifted off to sleep for a short time. When she opened her eyes again, she was surprised to see him awake and watching her thoughtfully.

"I will wait for you, you know that right?" he asked, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear gently, his thumb caressing her jaw line.

She closed her eyes leaning into the touch for a moment, trying to understand what he was asking. She shook her head, confusion swimming in her eyes. "Wait? Wait for me?" she responded.

"I love you, Kate," he said. "You asked me what we were and that's what I should have said but I know you're not ready. And I didn't want to scare you. But it's so damn hard not loving you. Not telling you that I love you. So I reacted like an ass and I said things that were hurtful."

"But this," he said gesturing between them, "This means too much to me. You mean too much to me. We don't know how much time we get. We don't know which day will be our last and damn it if I'm going to let another day go by without you knowing how I feel."

_I love you._

There it was. Everything she wanted and everything she denied herself right out there. And it _did_ terrify her. And she wasn't ready. But she loved him too. _Oh, she loved him so much_. And he was right. You didn't know what day would be your last. Especially in the world they lived in.

"You'll wait for me?" she asked, her green eyes almost begging him.

He shook his head up and down adamantly. "Always, Kate."

She exhaled, relief filling her mind, her body.

"I love you too, Castle."

* * *

_Thoughts?_


End file.
